Dominik: How I Learned to Trust My Heart and Honor My Sexuality

von Guillermo Seis

In this article, we meet Dominik, a queer man who has journeyed from Slovakia to Germany to Austria, from conformity to authenticity, from pain to joy. He shares with us his experiences of sexuality, love, and belonging, and how he has learned to embrace his submissive side as a source of strength. He invites us to listen to his story, to learn from his story, and to be inspired by his story.

Can you tell us a little about yourself?
My name is Dominik. I was born in Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia, but I grew up in Germany. When I turned 18, I moved to Vienna. I work as a team leader for an international company, where I enjoy collaborating with people from different countries and cultures. I like to challenge myself and learn new skills every day. 
In my free time, I have a few passions that keep me happy and healthy. I go to the gym regularly, where I lift weights and do cardio. I also have a collection of tattoos that express my personality and style. I'm a fan of techno music and I often go to clubs and festivals with my friends. We have a lot of fun dancing and partying together. 


What does sexuality mean to you, and how has your understanding of it evolved over time?
My childhood was shaped by the rigid norms of my parents, who could not accept me for who I loved. In my initial long-term relationship, I leaned towards values like monogamy, cohabitation, and marriage. But after my partner and I parted ways, I found myself alone for the first time in many years. I began to question the beliefs that I had inherited and to explore new ways of being and relating. I learned to listen to my own heart and to respect the diversity of life and love. I realized that there is no one right way to love, but many paths that can lead to joy and fulfillment. I chose to live with openness, honesty, and compassion, and to let my feelings be my guide.


How do you express your sexual desires and preferences, and what factors influence them (e.g., gender, attraction, kink, trauma, etc.)?
My life has been marked by two deep wounds—one from a father who could not love me, and one from a habit of carrying every burden alone. I learned to hold on tight, to control everything I could, to avoid more pain. But in my sexual relationships, I felt a longing for something else. I was drawn to a partner who could lead me, who could offer me safety and guidance. I discovered a new way of loving, one that required me to let go, to trust, to surrender. I found joy and healing in embracing and honoring my submissive side.


How do you navigate the intersectionality of your sexual identity with other aspects of your identity, such as race, class, ability, or religion?
As a white cis man, I know the gift of being seen as a gay person, especially in this time and place where tolerance is growing, but not everywhere. I left my parents' house to find myself, to break free from their beliefs that tried to cage me. But I also learned to wear a mask, to hide some parts of me from the eyes of those who might hurt me, who might not understand. I chose to walk carefully, to be mindful of the dangers and the beauty of the world around me.


What challenges have you faced in expressing your sexual desires and needs, and how have you overcome them?
My youth was shadowed by the harsh words of my peers, who called me "the faggot" and made me feel less than a man. I tried to fit in, to show them how strong and tough I could be. I wanted to be seen as a whole person, not a label. But over the years, I learned to accept myself, to celebrate all the parts of me that make me who I am. I welcomed my masculinity, but also my gentleness and sensitivity. I stopped seeing my submissiveness as a flaw, but as a gift, a part of my inner beauty.


How do you ensure that your sexual relationships are healthy, consensual, and respectful, and what are your boundaries and communication strategies?
My guiding light is honesty with myself. It means being true to my feelings, my needs, my hopes, and my limits. It means building a relationship on trust, respect, and clear communication, without hiding or holding back. It means creating a space where I can be fully myself, and share my body and soul with another. It means finding acceptance, love, and desire in this sacred exchange.


How do you envision a more inclusive and fulfilling sexual culture that embraces diverse sexual identities and expressions, and how can we work towards it?
My dream is a world where the many colors of (sexual) love are celebrated and honored, where each person's unique expression of sexuality is cherished and respected. In this generous world, people are free to explore their own identities and relationships, without being boxed in by rigid labels or expectations. I trust that if we could all be true to ourselves and our hearts, and embrace the diversity of others, our world would blossom into a more harmonious and beautiful place for all beings.


Pascal Schrattenecker